Daring to be different...

I am neither here, nor there. This is all that I have been thinking for the past few days now. It is about my life as a whole, and my professional career in specific. Though I have worked in many different areas in my professional career (I played many different roles including being a software developer, a tester, a documentation guy, design analyst, database expert, build expert etc – although none of these qualifies me to be an expert in the respective fields - during my 11 year career in software industry) and personal life (not equally, but almost), I was never there… My choice in life to become a jack of all trades, rather than being a master of any one thing was due to many small incidents in life, that taught me lots of things...It was a very conscious decision, and I don’t repent that (well, most of that). Sometimes, I do things that are totally different, far from being conservative, like the writing project which I have took up now for a book. I stretch myself to do things way beyond my own likings and capabilities. I don’t know, why I do that and if that is really the right thing to do. Am I crazy, I reflect on myself lot of times. More so, recently. The problem for me, is that I am not finding satisfaction anywhere recently. I have the feeling that I would’ve done better if I had concentrated somewhere better than others.

I started my life with music – I learnt Indian classical music for more than 12 years. Once upon a time, it was so dear to me, and I never missed going to any competitions or concerts in our town. But, that enthusiasm disappeared into thin air, a few years back. Though, I listen to music and sing occasionally, I am otherwise foreign to music now. I told before that I don’t repent any of my decisions, but this is one I do, the only one. But, I have little choice now.

Although, I won several certificates and awards in music during those 12 years, I hardly did anything noticeable with my music after that. Though, during those times, I couldn’t tolerate much criticism about my own music, now I am highly critical of any music that I don’t like. I hardly am a good software developer (though I like to be and want to believe that I am one!), nor a good software tester. I am not a good people manager, nor a good technical leader. So, what am I? I like to interfere in everything, peek my little nose into everything, be critical about everything others do, and still don’t do anything worth calling so myself!

So, moral of the story is this. Daring to do things and wanting to be different in life is definitely good, but not at the expense of something dear to you. Don’t hasten and give up something that is invaluable to your *personal* life. Personal interests have much more value than your professional ones. Don't give those up for anything; even if you did, follow that up sooner, before you lose it forever. Repenting on what you lost due to some stupid decisions in your life won’t do any good, anyway.