I hope...

I'd slept yesterday quite early compared to normal days. I was okay during the first half of the night, but I lost my sleep around 2 am in the morning. Thereafter I was lying awake in my bed for almost an hour. Normally, sleeplessness at night doesn't bother me. In fact, it never had, before. But, yesterday was different. Though you can't exactly term it as a worry, I was anxious about something. In the beginning, even I couldn't understand what was bothering me. But soon, my thoughts started drifting.

The day before was my last day at the office. I said goodbye to all my good friends, conveyed good luck that most people returned, gave a farewell party to all my team-mates, sent mails to long time friends in the company about my leaving...I completed all formalities for my 'exit' yesterday, took the relieving letter, handed over all the company assets and drove off the office, back home. When I left the place, I was contended of having contributed my lot to the company.

During each day of the past 4 years, I had a routine, a very hard one. I will leave my home before 8'o clock in the morning and reach my office before 8.45. Irrespective of whether I've any reason to be there so early, I was there at the same time before anybody else. After reaching my office, again my routine is fixed - from checking my mails in the morning to attending late night meetings. There was hardly any day, I'd any variations.

But, tomorrow will bring a lot of changes to my life. I grew very anxious. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more anxious I became. I even started to feel scared - I exited from my previous job and haven't taken up my new one yet. So, actually, I am jobless for the next 2 days. Will everything go according to the plan? Will there be any last minute surprises? can I manage all this change successfully? What if I failed? What if I grew desperate and wanted to go back to live my old routines? I even started to wonder how did I ever take this foolish decision to leave my old job, choose to opt out of the present, very comfortable way of life, for whatever reasons? I lost my sleep for the next hour or so, for all these stray thoughts.

Sadly, I didn't get any answer to any of these questions, before I slept off finally sometime during the early morning, even without my knowledge. Today morning, when I woke up, suprisingly all those nagging thoughts of mine during the previous night, had gone. Gone for good, I thought. I, no longer seemed to be afraid of the changes that the new job is going to bring into my life. Perhaps, once I go into my new office, I will adapt and adopt to a new routine in my life, which I will (hopefully) live with for the next few years to come. I was full of hope!

However, I still am scared in some corner of my mind that these thoughts will again attack me tonight! and will cause me to stay awake for an hour or two in my bed...Now, there is only one thing I pray for. I wish there was a fast forward button to my life, which will help me forward the next two nights fast enough, and permit me to enter a new life soon afterwards. Once I am there, things will work out smoothly, I am sure...